


Lonely Heart, Changing World

by HeartfeltPastels



Category: D4DJ First Mix (Anime), D4DJ Groovy Mix (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Isolation, Loneliness, Muni is crushing some in this fic, Pre-Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Trans Female Character, but no confession or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartfeltPastels/pseuds/HeartfeltPastels
Summary: Muni is about to enter HS and reflects on how being apart from her closest friend for so long has impacted her.
Relationships: Aimoto Rinku/Oonaruto Muni
Kudos: 5





	Lonely Heart, Changing World

**Author's Note:**

> So uh I had trans girl Muni HC for a while, so I just had to write about her for it and sorry if this fic is messy at all, it’s the least edited Fic I’ve published because I wanted to share it while I still had Muni strongly in my thoughts. And the 2nd half of the fic is intended to reflect episode 1~3’s events from Muni’s PoV.
> 
> 2/1: Made a small update realized I missed something regarding Muni's family.

It had been 10 years since I had last seen **her** , my only true friend… Rinku… It wasn’t until I started high school...

I wondered since _that_ day… how many times… 

Had I fallen asleep wondering what exactly is it I felt towards her?... I could never understand it no matter how I thought about it... 

I had cried to sleep because I missed her… her kindness, her warmth, her praise, and… the way she unconditionally accepted me as ‘Muni’ unlike our classmates…

Did someone want to be ‘friends’ with me just for my art in the end?...

Did I feel too emotional to sleep because of her letters...

Felt crushed by guilt over not being able to respond to her letters…

Did I have dreams of meeting her and her leaving me to go somewhere foreign again… or worse, just dreams reliving that day I suddenly found she would be gone?

I had thought about if things could have been different for me, if she had never left?

* * *

Would I even be able to feel like I deserved another chance to be her friend again if we ever meet again?...

I am sure she’d be able to make better friends than me… 

While I couldn’t manage to make a single friend I could trust in all that time… every time I thought I did they just stopped talking to me after I drew what they wanted… it hurt a lot every time… but I was just so lonely… And everyone else always just ignored me otherwise since most of them didn’t want to accept me as “Muni.” I was just an outcast… ever since Rinku left. I stopped trying eventually…

Even as I got more confident and happy with my appearance and my style... even when I highlighted my hair pink at the start of middle school, but nothing changed…

And once middle school started my parents had a falling out because of me… my dad had gotten sick of me being a girl apparently… my mom took my side and stood up for me… But it’s just been me and her since then. But she was rarely around and often distant - off being too busy with work all the time… I didn’t hate her or anything… she was also supportive and accepting of me being as girly or feminine as I wanted to be and any steps I took to achieve that, but she almost never praised or affirmed it… She’d always have money for me to get whatever I wanted, be it clothes, stuffed animals, art tablets, games, even a PC, or anything… but whenever I wanted praise, acknowledgement, or affection I couldn’t get the time of day from her… even when she promised me time for something she rarely kept it and prioritized work over me... I don’t think I can remember her calling me ‘cute’ a single time since the play with Rinku all those years ago.. 

She just didn’t really care about what was going on for me as long I was passing school and not being held back… she was always like that since the divorce. Even when I had come out to them it was mostly a “good for you, do what makes you happy” statement that really reflected their mindset in both the best and worst... Besides her giving me the name “Muni”... that was probably the thing I was most grateful to her for.

I wondered if I hadn’t been born like this if they would have treated me any different than know… I can only barely remember how they were like before I came out to them about wanting to be a girl, but I just can’t help wondering sometimes how it would have been if I was just born a girl instead.

* * *

That’s probably why right on my 13rd birthday, that I had spent alone as usual as I often did on my birthday… I made multiple SMS accounts and started sharing my art since… I saw the attention and praise artist could get and I was desperate for even a small portion of that…

I felt like if my classmates and parents wouldn’t give me what I thought I craved then I’d just make the rest of the world acknowledge Muni’s talents!

I shared a few dozen pieces I had prepared for it at once. The praise came gradually at first and I think it did help me some and make me really happy at first, since at least online everyone respected me as a girl… but there was still something that felt unexplainably empty and lacking within me no matter how vast the many positive comments I would read about my art work would become.

Even as I had filled my room with things I loved and made me smile over the years… I still couldn’t fully shake that feeling...

I didn’t know what it was I wanted… but I could never get that smile of hers out of my mind… how was I supposed to know what it was I longed for? Was it just praise?... I wasn’t sure anymore.

* * *

And then a miracle happened after I entered high school… I thought I saw _her_. I almost didn’t recognize her at first and she was going too fast so I let that chance slip away from me… but I didn’t remember seeing anyone like her at the opening ceremony… So what was going on? Was it really her? I couldn’t be sure…

I tried to give it some thought, but I had too little information to even try to begin to decide to do anything...

* * *

This flyer is a total disaster! How could anyone even think about putting this up in public? 

Huh?...

“DJ Mash & Link” 

… It couldn’t be her _right_?...

* * *

I ended up at that performance… since my parents' mindset of “It wouldn’t hurt to go, so why not?” made me give it a try even if it might turn out pointless... I sighed as I arrived a little late so the venue was already far more packed than I expected…

Yet I couldn’t help but be swept away almost immediately by Rinku’s radiance when she sang with so much energy and her smile was so bright… It was so overwhelming that it felt like it restored some light to my life that I had lost at some point.

But after the performance I had no idea how to approach her… would she even forgive me if I was the one to approach her? I was afraid of being rejected and part of me felt like I might have even deserved it for my failures in the past.

* * *

The next week began and on my break… I barely had the nerves managed but… I tried to head towards her class room, but I was too awkward to approach her in the end anyways. All I could do was watch on awkwardly with envy at how well she and her new friend got along already…

She really wasn’t like me to be able to get along with someone new so easily. I felt frustrated and yet I still admired her for that… 

* * *

I can’t believe I ended up giving myself away because their flier bothered me that much… yet I felt oddly happy to be working on a poster for Rinku… Especially since how positively both of them reacted to the rough draft of it.

She had been so friendly the moment she recognized me… I wondered if she forgave me already for the letter thing, or if she had just forgotten about it… considering it _is_ Rinku… it wouldn’t exactly surprise me if she forgot about that promise entirely… but I could never forget… but I don’t dare mention it to her right now… maybe I am just taking advantage of her kindness… But I didn’t want to risk ruining our reunion so quickly…

So I’ll work hard to make the flyer into something she and Maho can be proud of!

* * *

Naturally they were both in awe of Muni’s drawing skills - after all, who wouldn’t be when I go all out!

VJing though… I knew I couldn’t say no to Rinku when she gets like that… I couldn’t get why, but I knew that I really didn’t want to disappoint them, so I’ll have to study hard and give learning this even more than I did when I made the flyer! I’ll show Maho that there is no reason to ever doubt Muni’s abilities when it comes to creative fields!

* * *

I was able to show them Muni’s greatness once more when I showed them the original video I had created for their song - Rinku was blown away and even Maho’s doubt was shattered! It was worth all the effort I had put into it.

Maybe… just maybe… meeting Rinku again was what I really needed after all…

* * *

I woke up from an unpleasant dream… Why do I have to dream about that now?... Oh, right... today’s my performance with Rinku...

I felt like the confidence I was gaining recently quickly fell compared to the fears and doubts in my heart… I couldn’t face Rinku like this… 

* * *

I haven’t changed at all… since that day I ran away from the play at all… I can change how I dress and act… but I am still that cowardly Muni-chan in the end...

Suddenly Rinku appeared before me out of breath. “I knew… you’d be here…”

The doubt just made me ask… “Rinku… why?”

“Because we promised.” 

Some strange emotion overcame me… as she managed to say the words that I wanted to hear the most in that moment, and I cried…

She reached out to me. “Muni-chan, let’s go!”

“Okay” was all I could say as she took my hand.

* * *

Holding her hand again after all these years made me so free of the worries and doubts that weighed on me for some long… 

* * *

The night after our performance I felt like just maybe I can change if I am by her side…

And I hope she’ll be able to forgive me when we trust each other more…

Maybe I’ll be able to understand these feelings that have only gotten more intense each moment I’m with her… I hope she’ll give me that chance, but I have no idea how to approach her on any of it… so I’ll just keep it to myself for now...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this short fic, and Special thanks to Mimi (@ganbareshamiko on twitter) for beta reading this fic for me. And I am already working on another short Muni fic, and this one will be even more Muni/Rinku focused ^^.


End file.
